you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
