Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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