OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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