dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
