Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
