How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
