Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
