Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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