Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
