Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
