so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
