i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
