If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
