hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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