I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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