I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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