We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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