but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
