Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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