What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
