honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
