Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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