Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
