I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
