Buhtt sex?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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