My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
