we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
