she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can you bring me the toilet please
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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