i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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