anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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