ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i love accidental penises.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
