he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
