Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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