can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
