I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
