he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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