We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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