hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
