When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
