Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
