Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
