Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Boobs are out for the taking
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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