We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
