Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
