So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
