ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
