theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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