im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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