that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
