We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
